


(almost) boyfriends

by sinnerlikeme



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-04-04 18:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14025876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinnerlikeme/pseuds/sinnerlikeme
Summary: “you’re the worst boyfriend ever.”“we’re not even dating.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a collection of pointless and very, very short drabbles featuring sambucky and my attempts at humorous, flirtatious banter.

“Sam. I’m hungry. Take me to get pizza or something.”

Sam doesn’t look up from his phone. “I’m busy. Go get your own damn pizza.”

Bucky pouts. “You’re the worst boyfriend ever.”

“We’re not even dating,” Sam deadpans.

A huff. “You’re the worst _almost_ boyfriend ever,” Bucky amends.

“Almost?” Sam mutters quietly as Bucky meanders away.


	2. Chapter 2

“Sam!”

“What.”

“Sam!”

“What, Buck?”

“Sam, guess what.”

“What, Buck.”

“No, you have to guess.”

“Why are you out of breath?”

“Just _guess_ , damn it.”

“You saw a dog.”

“Close! I made eye contact with a squirrel.”

A pause. “Your life is so exciting.”

“I _know_.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey, Sam, when we get back, ya wanna rent _The Phantom Menace_?”

“I can think of a million other movies I’d rather watch.”

“Oh.” Bucky’s face falls. He rubs grime from the barrel of his gun.

Sam sighs, long and hard. “Okay, fine.”

Bucky beams, right as an explosion goes off two floors below.

Sam gets to his feet to follow the sound. “Scruffy-lookin’ nerf herder,” he mutters as he passes.

Bucky scowls. “Who’s scruffy-lookin’?!”


	4. Chapter 4

“I have a question.”

“Shoot.”

Bucky giggles. “Would you kiss me for a million dollars?”

“I would not kiss you for a million dollars,” Sam replies earnestly.

“Oh.”

A beat. “I’d kiss you for free.”

“ _Oh_.”


	5. Chapter 5

It’s four AM when Sam’s phone chimes.

[BIG HEAD]: _is ass considered a food group_

He rubs a hand over his eyes before replying.

**go to bed, barnes**

[BIG HEAD]: _i was just wondering  
_ [BIG HEAD]: _also can i eat ur ass_

Sam smiles despite himself.

**i’ll consider it**

[BIG HEAD]: _thanks_


	6. Chapter 6

“We are totes squad goals,” Bucky muses, licking his ice cream.

“Our squad consists of two people,” Sam points out. “Three in all once we get a dog.”

Bucky makes a pleasantly surprised noise and turns to him. “We’re getting a dog?”

Sam makes a face. “Yes, we’re getting a dog, I thought you knew that.”

“Huh.” Bucky leans back in the bench. “Cool. Can I name it?”

“No. You will not be naming the dog.”

“Why can’t I name the dog?”

“You’re not good with names.”

“Oh, that’s rude. That is _so_ rude.”


	7. Chapter 7

Bucky knocks on Sam’s door quarter to eight.

“Hi,” he greets when Sam appears, in his pajamas. “I brought coffee cake.”

Sam blearily eyes the cake in Bucky’s hands. “What’s the occasion?”

Bucky smiles. “Happy two-week-first-kiss anniversary.”

Sam could cry. He could seriously freaking cry.

“Well, aren’t you a goddamn peach.”

He grabs Bucky by his shirt and kisses him on the doorstep.


	8. Chapter 8

“Babe, look. That one looks like Steve.”

“Oh, hell, no. Steve’s nose is bigger than that.”

Bucky cracks up. “True.”

Then he points and says, “Look at that sunflower over there. That’s you.”

Sam blushes. “If I’m a sunflower, what does that make you?”

Bucky thinks about that for a minute.

“I’m a patch of dirt.”

Now they both crack up.


	9. Chapter 9

“You ever just look at someone and can’t breathe?”

“Why do you think I passed out the last time we were together?”

“Bucky, you had a head injury.”

“Yeah, but then I saw you and you’re so beautiful I couldn’t handle it, so I passed out.”

“You’re a sap. Drink your juice.”

Bucky drinks his juice. “I mean it, though,” he mutters after a moment.

“Mean what?”

“I think you’re beautiful.”

“You…” Sam shakes his head. “That concussion knocked somethin’ loose, Barnes.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. No it didn’t.


	10. Chapter 10

“Babies are weird. They don’t even know who they _are_.”

“Says you,” Sam snickers, bumping his knee to Bucky’s.

“Hey!” Bucky swats his elbow, but knows he’s right. “Hmph.”

A silence. Bucky pouts. They’re waiting to see Sam’s new nephew.

After a minute Bucky says, “What if we had a baby?”

Sam jumps in his chair.

Bucky looks at him.

“Like, theoretically.”

Sam swallows hard. “Let’s—let’s work on getting a dog first.”


	11. Chapter 11

“I’m damaged goods, my love,” Bucky drawls, rubbing his hands over his eyes.

Sam frowns contemplatively. “You’re still good, though. Like a half-rotten apple.”

Bucky barks a laugh. “Like a half-rotten apple. How poetic.”

“Hey, I’m just using words I think you’d use to describe yourself.”

“Well. You’re not wrong.”

“Of course I’m not.”


	12. Chapter 12

Bucky walks in and immediately notices something is different.

“Sam?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Why are you wearing sunglasses indoors?”

“My screen brightness is too high.”

A pause. “Why not just turn it down?”

Sam glares at him over the rim of his glasses. “Why don’t you mind your business?”

Bucky can’t argue with that.


	13. Chapter 13

Sam stumbles over to Bucky and smooches him drunkenly.

“Mmf. Hello. How much have you had to drink?”

Sam rolls his eyes. “That isn’t the right question. What’s my rule?”

“Can you still feel your arms and legs?”

“Yes. So, not enough.”

“Then why are you kissing me? Go keep drinking.”

“I’m drunk on your _love_.”

“Aw, geez, Wilson.”


	14. Chapter 14

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Buck.”

“I’m a terrible person and I deserve to die. Plain and simple.”

Sam shakes his head, rubbing Bucky’s back. “No.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Bucky argues, face in his pillow. “I’m the worst. I’ve accomplished nothing.”

“Not true. You’re doing good things every day.”

“I’m just a train-wreck with great hair.”

A pause. “Yeah, well, you’re _my_ train-wreck.”

“Thanks, Sam. That means a lot.”


	15. Chapter 15

“No, I don’t think I like you, I know I like you. Hell, I might even love you!”

 _We’re literally dating_ , Sam thinks. “Didn’t know one glass of wine could make you this loopy.”

Bucky raises his glass and says, “It’s liquid courage, dearest.”

“Nah, you’re just drunk.”

“Can’t get drunk.”

“Then what is this?”

Bucky grins wryly. “ _Almost_ drunk.”

He giggles so hard he splashes his wine.

Sam has never loved him more.


	16. Chapter 16

“Where we goin’?”

“You’ll see. Come on.”

Bucky gasps in delight when he sees.

“Oh, wow! I didn’t know we still had those.”

“The carriage?” They are rather old-fashioned.

“No, the horses,” Bucky clarifies.

Sam chokes on a laugh.


	17. Chapter 17

They’re sitting on a bench in the park, people-watching.

Bucky points. “Those heteros are sucking face.”

Sam snorts. “That’s so Nicholas Sparks-y.”

“I know.” Bucky wrinkles his nose. “So heteronormative.”

Sam laughs. “They should do that somewhere else. Think of the children.”

Bucky snickers and kisses his cheek. “Oh, the poor children.”


	18. Chapter 18

Bucky comes crashing through the door, attempting a botched front flip.

Sam watches, an eyebrow raised. “Was the front flip really necessary?”

Bucky scrambles to his feet, clumsy thanks to the gun on his back. “Yeah. It was cool.”

“It was very much _not_ cool, but okay,” Sam says. “Come on, let’s go.”

He marches off down the hall. Bucky pouts behind him.

“You don’t think my stunts are cool?”

“No, man, I really don’t.”

Bucky gasps, offended.

“Also your risotto sucks,” Sam adds.

Bucky moans like he’s been shot.


	19. Chapter 19

“You have pretty eyes.”

Bucky blushes like a schoolgirl. “Thank you. No one’s ever told me that before.”

(Steve has, but that’s beside the point.)

“Really?” Sam says incredulously, puffing his chest out a little.

“No,” Bucky admits. “I only said that to make you feel special.”

He pats Sam’s cheek and walks away.

Typical. Sam still meant what he said, though.


	20. Chapter 20

Bucky wanders into the kitchen with a theatrical groan.

“Mornin’, babe,” Sam drawls from the table.

Bucky drinks the orange juice straight from the carton. “Morning.”

“Last night was fun,” Sam says, making a face. “How ya feeling?”

Bucky stares at him. “There’s still glitter in my ass,” he deadpans. “How d’you _think_ I feel?”

 _Fair enough_ , Sam thinks as Bucky walks out, taking the juice with him.


	21. Chapter 21

A tentative knock on the door. “Hi. You okay?”

Bucky receives a disgruntled sound in response.

“Yeah, I get it,” he sighs, leaning against the wall. “Um. Well. I’m here if you need anything.”

He pauses, hesitating, then adds, “Love you.”

Sam grins into the corner of his pillow, smiling for the first time today. “Love you, too, man.”

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and reviews are cool


End file.
